TESTED.

For those of you who do not know I am about a month deep into a six month challenge. The challenge is to buy nothing that caters to my vanity. No clothes, shoes, makeup, hair anything, jewelry, ect. I have had a few days that were sort of hard. I went to Port Townsend and there was a street vendor with amazing antique jewelry, and some awesome clothes in different stores there. I have seen things here and there that beckon me for sure, but nothing like what I just experienced.

I am looking for an old coffee table to create a train table on, so I decided to check the thrift store on base, which is known for having AMAZING vintage clothes for a dollar and under. There was no coffee table, and I really should have left after realizing that, but I decided to peek at the dress rack. CHEESE AND RICE. One amazing vintage dress after ANOTHER. PEOPLE. I stood there and took them off and looked at them up and down and LUSTED. I imagined what shoes I would wear and how I might do my hair and on what occasion would be prefect for each and every dress. There was a black ruffle baby doll dress that I am sure was boutique, with the tags still on it. I would have worn the holy life out of that dress. THREE DOLLARS. I had it in my hand and just kept thinking, "It's just one dress Brooks. Just one. No biggie." But I knew I couldn't. I wanted to so bad. I was grinding my teeth.

In a way, this is all pretty funny. I am a great thrift shopper, so I generally save money by buying thrift- which is awesome. But the amount of grief I have just experienced over not being able to buy some dresses is really pretty sick. I kept telling myself, "You gotta let go of stuff Brooks. Life is short and none of this matters. It doesn't matter that it is vintage, or cheap. Life is not about joy in buying stuff. God is doing something in you that means more than awesome dresses- even if it isn't obvious right now. Let him do it. Get out of here." So I did.

I wanted to come home and document this immediately because as silly as it seems I really do feel like I was just greatly tested. Now that I have got it all out onto "paper" I feel much better. I see how insignificant those silly dresses are in the grand scheme of things. I am SO glad God get me out of there empty handed. (Well, sort of. I did buy a basket for our remotes and a couple small things for the kids- but nothing for myself, which is what matters.)

Blessings and love ya'll.

*_*

It is thankful Sunday ya'll.

I am thankful for healthy children. It is SO easy to take for-granted active, happy and healthy kids, especially if you have never really dealt with chronic/terminal illness personally. I am so blessed to have kids that beg to go outside and to the park. Kids who eat and laugh and run and play. Kids who do what kids are supposed to do. I pray to God I am reminded everyday what an amazing blessing that is.

I am also thankful for friends who you haven't seen in months who can come over and spend 5 hours and it is as if you have been talking everyday, safe travels, quality time with my mom and sister, piercing removals that were a whole let less painful than I expected, and the fact that the cop who pulled me over for speeding today only charged me for 5 over rather than the 20 that I was going.

AND, I am forever grateful to God, for being awesome. For speaking to me through people in my life, and making sure I always know he has my back.

GOD BLESS!

Thankful Sunday.

Oh man, what a weekend. I am thankful for SO much tonight.

1. God. He is so faithful. He is everything I have ever needed, need, or will need. He is everything and I am nothing without him. He knows where I am, and he loves me anyways. He loves me enough to bring me to a place of brokenness when I get too arrogant. He lets me stay broken, just long enough to remember I am nothing without him, and he then lifts me up and sets me back on the path where I belong- renewed and with more faith then I had before. He has fought for me, and won. Died for me and was resurrected. The war has been waged and the battle won- I only have to walk in victory.

2. Grace Community Church. I had no idea why all of a sudden, a few months before I am to leave this island God would have me leave my church home to spend the last bit of time with these other folks. I know why now. I am so glad I listened. I am so blessed to be a part of that family. I am so blessed to worship and break bread with the people there. God knew where I needed to be and he sent me and I am SO SO SO blessed.

3. My parents, Mrs. Vanaster and Daddykins. My ever present help in time of need. I don't know a lot of people who can say they have phenomenal parents. The kind who are always there, always listening, ready to drop everything to reach me where I am- even though I am grown. Parents who speak truth and life and light into my life when all I see is darkness. Parents who remind me who's I am and why I am here and all that I have to be thankful for. Parents who say, "This is the day that the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it..." when I need to hear it most....but who also cry with me, when I need it most. I could not ask for a better mom and dad. They rule.

4. Natasha Noelle Guenther, who's name is perfectly grand. My sister. My amazingly beautiful, loving, joyful, and astounding friend. I love you, I love you, I love you. God gave me you, and you are just as much a gift as my children, as my family. You are my family. You are wise and soulful and honest and simply glorious. My life will never be as it was before you were in it.

5. Siah and Pizee. You ornery rascals keep me grounded when I need it most. When the Daddy is gone and it is just us, and I get in a place, you two bring me back to square one. You love me no matter what. You nuzzle your noses into my neck and tell me I am the best mommy ever and I know you really mean it. You sleep next to me when I don't want to be alone, and even though you steal covers and turn into octopi as you sleep, I appreciate that you are next to me.


As for an update on my no vain purchases challenge...it has been 12 days and I am just fine. I have had a few moments being out and about and seeing something fabulous and picking it up forgetting my challenge, but putting it down when I remembered was not as hard as I thought it would be. I am spending less time in the mirror, closet and gym- because that is just not where my mind is. I know I am supposed to be doing this, and I cannot wait to see where I am 3 or 4 months in.

LOVE YA'LL!!!

God is Rad.

I am in day two of my six month no personal item buying and guess what? A friend of mine gave me a whole bag of clothes. Holy, Moses- I know. I almost didn't want to accept it because it's only day two!!! It was so obviously God looking down at me and reminding me I am doing the right thing and he will absolutely take care of me. Not even "take care", I have tons of clothes. He just blessed me. How freaking awesome is that?!?!!? If this is day two I cannot WAIT to see what God has in store for the next six months!

"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.
-Luke 12:22-30 

A New Beginning.

Anyone who reads what I write, be it here or another blog, or who speaks with me on any level beyond surface knows that I have been spiritually stagnant for a long time. I am not sure when it began, how I went from being uber self-righteous to reading material put out by the "emergent church" in order to make myself feel better about the current condition of my heart and lifestyle. Somewhere in there I did some wicked painful counseling where I allowed myself to get really angry with God, ask a lot of questions to which there are no answers and despite His complete healing and peace throughout that, I just didn't come out of it the same. Instead of dealing with my- whatever I was feeling, because I still can't put a title on it- I gave into it. I just accepted and stopped trying to push through. Here and there I have tried to start journaling, or reading the right things, or saying longer prayers- whatever I could think to do that might make me feel closer to God again. None of it worked and I just became more stagnant.

Recently a book I love appeared from the closet it had been hidden in and I picked it up. It is a great book all around and I was enjoying reading all of it, but a few things really hit me. The first was that I never talk to people about Jesus. Not really. I might engage in light debate about religion as a whole, but the last time I really shared the truth of the cross with anyone (aside from Travis)...I cannot remember. I mean, years it has been. What I have been doing is talking about my own self. My testimony, my thoughts on religion, my stories. Don't get me wrong, these are important sometimes, but I'm not saving anyone and I definitely haven't been talking about the guy who can. Secondly, I spend a lot of money on crap I don't need, and spending money on crap makes me way happier than it should. I get high from shopping. It may only be a sweater from a thrift store, but that sweater has me freakin THRILLED. Spending money on nonsense brings me joy- however giving the small amount of money I give to help a kid in India, or as a tithe, makes me not so thrilled. I don't mind doing it, because I know I should....but I could do all sorts of other stuff with that money too. Do you know how many thrift store sweaters I could buy with my tithe money??? And I don't even tithe all that I feel like I should because I have an unsaved husband and we had to meet in the middle.

God showed up this week. Maybe not the way I would have liked Him to, with the showering of love and adoration for who I am. He showed up in a book and planted an idea in my heart. He then solidified the planting of that idea through both His word and a church service. I have already had a few people tell me this idea is silly and unnecessary, and I have battled with them being right. They aren't. Starting today and for the next six months I will purchase nothing that caters to my vanity. I will not buy a sweater, a shoe, a tube of lipstick, a new hair clip or anything of the like. I will not be taking pictures of myself. (This is so embarrassing.) I take pictures of myself for Facebook or wherever else and it is RIDICULOUS. No one person needs as many pictures of themselves as I have. Pictures are for memories and family, not vanity. I am excited about what God will do in this time. I don't have a goal as to put a certain amount of money into anything needful right now, and I figure if I am supposed to God will let me know. I am thinking this is step one in my hurtle of loving Jesus the way I am supposed to again. I think I fell out of love a little there for awhile...and probably never loved him the way I should have to begin with. Cheers to challenges that change hearts and new beginnings.

PS. I will update what God is doing on this blog- stay tuned.

Something New.

I've been beginning to forget about this blog- as in writing it everyday. I think I have come to a place where I have a great deal of thoughtfulness towards being thankful, and because of this I will begin writing weekly instead of daily. I know God put this concept on my heart for a reason, and I am sure His plan concerning me and learning to be thankful for little things has come to fruition. That to say, I do love this blog and it's keeping me accountable for things, so I plan on keeping it. I am in the midst of having a new challenge handed to me by the man upstairs and it is bigger than this one. Whenever He and I work out the logistics, I will use this blog to journal as well as a weekly thankfulness writing. I will write my weekly thanks blog on Sundays, not starting tomorrow because, well that's dumb. Other than that- I will see all of you, whoever you are, soon with an update about the new challenge I am facing!!

Much Love!

I'm Not Pregnant!!

I forgot to write yesterday. I would have said I was thankful for finding ways to be productive.

Today I am thankful for mint chocolate cupcakes.

It wasn't as minty as I would have hoped. The icing tasted less like mint and more like butter-cream but look how terribly adorable it was!!

I am also happy to announce I AM NOT pregnant. I am late in my monthly woman time, so it has been a fraction of a concern this week.

We went thrift storing today which is one of my most favorite things and among many awesome finds was this:

It is a 1960's Halloween horn. We paid 49 cents for it. It sells on vintage type sites for $20+ and that is not even in good condition. It is always a treat to come across cool retro products!

Southern Fried.

Today was much more productive than yesterday. I made myself a daily chore list so that all the house cleaning is broken down instead of done in one manic 6 hour Thursday. Jesiah came home with math and reading homework and he did it, no fighting! He read to me for 35min and did a page of math with no help. It was GLORIOUS. After a year of homeschooling that caused nothing but constant arguments, it was SUCH a blessing to do some reading with him and ENJOY it. To look over his math and know that he understands what he is doing and there is no need for conflict of any type. THANK YOU JESUS! Also, tonight I made a southern fried dinner that would do my Nanny proud. I made two kinds of fried chicken tenders: my kind and Chef Robert Irvine (from the Food Network) kind. Mine won, everyone liked it better which was AWESOME!!! I also made fried okra and apple jelly/brown sugar sweet potatoes. Calorie shamlorie...sometimes you gotta take it back to yer roots.

Lessons, Dick Tracy, Boob Capes and Clovers.

Although I did more of nothing today, I have plenty to be thankful for. I will start with a lesson in thanks I have undergone in the past 48 hours.

I know what you are thinking, "How could someone who dedicates time every day to write a blog about thankfulness have anything to learn?!?!!" Here's the deal: I live in a beautiful home. I remember driving by these homes when they where being built and saying to myself, "...if only I could live in one of those..." I also remember when I first got it. Sitting in the empty living room on the floor with my mom, looking up at the 24 foot ceilings and feeling so blessed. Fast forward to the past year or so- most of what I do when complimented about my home is complain about how enormous it is and how tired I am of cleaning. I whine about how it was built too quickly and in settling everything has cracked. The grout wasn't sealed so it is perpetually dirty, and the huge windows on 25 foot wall in the family room cause sunlight to reflect on the TV so for about and hour everyday you can't see the screen. AND, the grass sucks. These are the things I talk about when someone mentions how lucky I am to be in this home. What an ungrateful fool I have been. My family and I have had the opportunity to live in an unbelievably nice home that we could never afford outside of this situation. This all become abundantly clear to me when we started looking at what we could afford when we get to San Diego. Everything is for the most part, apartment living. Base housing is primarily town homes, with little to zero backyard and looking to be fairly outdated. Outside of base housing, we can't afford much more than that and at least if it is base I know the neighborhood is legit. I feel like a shmuck. I feel I am not winning in the way of being thankful for an enormous blessing in my life. I am glad to have learned this lesson- even if it took way to long and is pretty embarrassing. I am trying not to beat myself up.

Now, for something way cooler and less guilt ridden....Jesiah discovered a raincoat I bought for P a million years ago when she was much too small to wear it. It is a 4T, 4 inches from his wrist in the sleeve, yellow, vinyl, squeaky and impractical trench style. Jesiah thinks it is a Dick Tracy jacket and wanted to wear it to school. I told him he could, but I was fairly sure he would be made fun of because he looked goofy, and I wasn't going to feel sorry for him since he had been warned. He wore it anyway, which was a really proud moment for me. He genuinely did not care what anyone might think, because anyone who is anyone should know an awesome Dick Tracy when they see it. When I picked him up he said lots of kids said they liked his jacket, one kid said he loved it and a grown up told him he looked snazzy. Way to prove mama wrong.

Presley put a bra around her neck and told me "I'm a super hero cause I have boobs on my back!!" Having a redhead in my life makes for constant entertainment....and frustration, but mostly entertainment!

 Last but not least- two things: First I found a free essay contest for a magazine that I am going to enter, and second, while picking food for Elvis I found a four leaf clover!

Idle Hands and 9/11. Don't Hate Me After This.

I have done nothing this weekend. Ab. So. Lut. Ely. Nothing. I am not thankful for this fact. I am thankful for my Magic Bullet and the homemade frappuccino topped with half a can of whipped cream that I was able to have after my 2.5 hour sleep like your dead nap yesterday.

It has been such a long boring weekend because we cut up credit card, which means we are living within our means, which means we are broke. It feels good to not be building up debt, and I am proud of us for making it through the first pay period without a CC- but hot damn if it is not hard.

Now onto something that matters. Today is 9-11, and that means we are supposed to remember a terrible day in our nations history. I don't disagree with that. It does bother me though, that terrorist attacks are not uncommon in other parts of the world. There are governments ruling over citizens with iron fists, and enough mass genocides to fill up history books. Shouldn't we be remembering all of these things everyday? Shouldn't a part of our daily life be to recognize how blessed we are, and say a prayer for those who aren't no matter who's soil they have built their house on? Shouldn't we weep for the nations where families are losing sons and daughters and moms and dads everyday to guerrilla warfare or corrupt politics or terrorism? We aren't just Americans- we are humanity, and although 9-11 was a terrible terrible tragedy- and PLEASE don't think I am discrediting that- I think if we are to give so much time and thought and remembrance to that event, we should give an equal amount of said things to what is happening in places that we don't call home.

Amen to Quick Easy Dinners.

For dinner tonight I made ham&cheese roll ups for dinner. The recipe came from the same magazine I got my killer potato salad out of. I want to share this recipe with all my mom friends because not only was it delicious, it was SUPER easy and something that can be played around with in terms of ingredients.

2 TBLS olive oil
4 flour tortillas, 10inch
1/2 grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 lb thin sliced salami
1/4lb thin sliced ham
1/4lb provolone
1/2 cup roasted sweet peppers
1 cup shredded part skim cheese
marinara sauce optional

1. Brush 1tbls oil on one side of tortilla. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup parm. Layer tortilla with ham, provolone, salami, red peppers and mozzarella. Roll em up!
2. Place seam side down on baking sheet. Brush tops of rolls with remaining oil and sprinkle with remaining parm. Bake at 425 for 9-12min. Serve with marinara if desired.

I doubled this because I live with eaters. I don't know what "family" would only need 4 of these suckers, but I made 8 and all of them are gone. I imagine they would be good reheated too. Next time I am going to use chicken, feta, mushrooms and spinach, I will let you know how it goes!

PS. I do not have a picture because they were gone before it even occurred to me to take one, sorry folks.

School Days, School Days...

Jesiah began the 2nd grade today- in school, not at home, which was far more emotional than I had planned on it being. I didn't get all choked up in front of his class or anything, but I came home and looked at the pictures I took of him this morning and sat on the phone with my mom and cried. Time goes by so quickly it is terrifying-  BUT I am so thankful that despite having a baby young, and with a practical stranger, Jesiah has grown into a little man I am proud to call mine. I am proud to send him off to a class full of kids because I know he will bring nothing but light.

I am also grateful for the alone time with Pizee. As I mentioned above, they are only little for the blink of an eye, so to have one on one time with her now means a lot.

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller is one of my all time favorite books- and the other week I came across it on my hallway floor. I imagine it came from somewhere when I was preparing for the yard sale, but I wasn't reading anything so I decided I would read it again. God put that book on my floor, and I am very thankful.

Oh How I Long to Whine,

This is the first day I have posted here that I feel like saying, "Today sucks," and proceeding to tell you why. Instead I will stick to my plan, even though all of me is screaming, "WHINE!!".

My mom was here for the day and got up with the kids, which allowed me to sleep a bit later than usual, and I got to hang out with mom all day. Jesiah had an awesome last day of summer spent with his friends. I discovered my turtle gives kisses.

The End.

Not Going Into A Hypoglycemic Coma RULES!

I didn't die today when my blood sugar dropped from a long run which I did not nutritionally prepare for- I am thankful for this fact. I am also thankful for Tasha who came over and made a collage while I cooked THE MOST AMAZING POTATO HAM CORN CHOWDER ever, from scratch. It was supposed to be clam chowder from all the clams we dug yesterday. I cooked them and shucked them and they grossed me out phenomenally. I am pretty sure they looked exactly like they were supposed to- but preparing clams is something I now know I cannot do, if I want to actually eat them.

Jesiah had orientation at his school today too. He got moved to Hillcrest because Olympic View was full. I am pleased with this. Esthetically Hillcrest is much nicer, and from what I have heard the academics follow suit. He met his teacher, who seems to be an eccentric man....first impression was good, and Jesiah is STOKED.

Non Laboring Day.

I woke up at 9:30am this morning which is the perfect way to start the day off thankfully! It is also Labor day, which means Travis is OFF! Everyday I get to spend hangig out with him pretty much rules and today was no exception. We decided to go to Double Bluff since he had never been. The weather was gorgeous and we had such a nice time. The tide was up, (which it never is), and we saw 3 jellies! One of them was about 1.5 feet wide. It was up on the sand and died when a group of girls attempted to move it with a plastic rake. The same group of little girls had a live one in a bucket.

The one my hand is on was also dead. I just kept thinking about Finding Nemo, when Marlin and Dori are hopping on the tops of all the jellies. It was awesome to see these guys up close and touch them. They look like cherry jello flowers. We also dug for clams and have about 3lbs soaking in our sink. We have never had them- I plan on attempting fresh, homemade clam chowder.

Jesiah's friend from our street Aiden came with us. He is really sweet and plays wonderfully with my little man. I feel like he is the first really good friend Siah has had, in terms of being a sweet, polite and thoughtful kid who just gets along really well with both Jesiah and Pizee....

Surprise. I Ate Cheesecake for Lunch.

I missed yesterdays thankfulnessanessaness because I didn't actually make it home till the wee hours of this morning. That to say I am SUPER happy Travis had a wonderful birthday surprise!! He had NO idea that I had planned a party for him at his favorite pub with his favorite people. I cannot believe a group of men held their tongues for weeks around him. His whole shop knew and not ONE person dropped the ball. He was thrilled. So that was yesterday- but leads me to todays thanks which is for a day stuffed full of both sloth and gluttony. All I have done all day is eat high fat, high carb and high calorie foods and take intermittent couch naps. I managed a shower and homemade dinner- but it was a stretch. I do not feel guilty for my lack of parental superhumaness- I am just blessed to have kids that stay busy when I obviously need a day off.

I also want to encourage you who are reading this to start purposefully being grateful. This blog has done WONDERS for my attitude about the monotony and boredom found in my everyday. I have literally been changed on the inside because of it. I know this because when my daughter projectile vomited all over my car the other day, all I could think of was how happy I was I had baby wipes- a few months ago I would have NEVER found joy in ANY part of that. You may not be a blogger, but go buy a notebook and just jot down a few things about your day you are thankful for. It is awesome.

Happy Day of Your Birth, Husband.

Travis is 28 today. He was 19 when we met. I am SO stoked to be with him this many years later to celebrate his birthday.

For his birthday dinner he wanted blueberry cheesecake pancakes. The store did not have blueberries, so I decided to pick fresh blackberries instead. (This is a picture Jesiah took, I think it's pretty rad.)

Everything about the pancakes were delicious- of course with whipped cream, cream cheese, buttermilk, graham cracker crumbs and fresh blackberries- how could they not be.

Then Travis got hold of the whipped cream...

Apparently I went a little easy.

Read My Blog YEAH! It's Awesome YEAH!

As soon as I woke up this morning I had reason to give thanks. Travis had the coffee pot loaded and ready to roll, which is SUCH a huge deal because he is always short on time in the AM, and rarely thinking of me and what I might want when I reluctantly drag myself out of bed. He even wrote a little note, which made me smile real big like. (The note read, "OH YEAH! GOOD MORNING YEAH! COFFEES READY YEAH!" Please read as if you are living in Pauly D's head.)

I also discovered the only potato salad I will ever make from this moment forward. The recipe came out of a magazine I was given for my collages- and it was AWESOME. Perfect amount of cream, zing and potato.

AND- this actually happened late in the evening yesterday, but I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy- Travis FINALLY agreed to cut up the credit card! It was the only one we had and it is in a million pieces!!!! It literally felt like weight lifted off of me. SO excited to be getting out of debt instead of wading deeper into it!!!

Barf.

Presley projectile vomited while we waited in line at the border today. She was in the middle of crying about her tummy hurting and then BAM out came 5+ cups of mostly liquid. I had to backtrack in the border line to get over to the duty free parking lot to clean her, and everything in the backseat, off. In the midst of such a smelly and widespread disaster I was STOKED to remember that a few months ago my mom stuffed a big ol pack of baby wipes in my glove box. All I had in the car other than that was a dirty beach towel, so the wipes pretty much made my day. Who would have thunk my reason for gratitude today would come from Presley's pineapple juice barf?!

PS. Presley is fine. Totally better after she coated my car.

Em, Siah, Fire.

Today I am thankful for my sister, Emily. I love spending time with her- no matter the circumstance.

I am also super happy to be raising a kid who says things like "Mom, when you win the lottery, will you please give all your money to homeless people?" Aside from the obvious, I like that he chose to say "when" vs. "if". He also said today as we pulled up to the border to enter Canada, "I don't think we are in America anymore. It doesn't smell like our country, it smells like cardboard."

AND I am happy that the kids playing with matches on our porch while no one was home didn't burn our house down, even as they held the flame to our siding. THANK YOU GOD.

Miniiima Babidibaba Cooniti Whip Cream.

Presley and Travis decided to speak to each other in a new and foriegn language today.

Also, I have had one of those days where I pretty much want to eat everything in sight, or that I can think of, which led to this- and it was amazing:

Revelation.

I went to church this morning, tired from a short amount of sleep, and not particularly interested in being at church at all- which is not something new. I have felt kind of distanced from the idea of church as whole for some months now. I couldn't put my finger on why, till this morning. I just started attending Grace Community Church, this was my second Sunday, and the pastor Andy is in the middle of a series having to do with Paul and his letters to Corinth. Mostly what I have heard is along the lines of our culture, trying to make the gospel likable in order for our own comfort, and how closely related this idea is now to the city of Corinth that Paul writes to.

Today the service was great- I nodded in agreement and said "amen", and meant it. All the while I just felt kind of dead inside trying to think about relationship with God, and not being comfortable and so on. I had this image of a plant, more specifically my plant- the only one I have ever kept alive. It is some sort of non floral thing I bought at Walmart only because I found an awesome owl cookie jar that I wanted to use as a planter. My plant is alive. It grew a lot in a few spurts, but now it is just alive. It receives sun and water, but not enough to grow, just not enough to die. It is mostly green, sometimes a leaf becomes brown and I clip it off when I remember, or it falls off on its own. I thought about this plant, and then myself. I have received salvation and will live forever with Christ. I am alive, but I am not growing. I have grown before, and am further along the road than some, if we are to compare- but I have hit a wall. I am receiving sun and water because of salvation, but no one is dumping miracle grow on me. More importantly I am not at Home Depot shopping for miracle grow. I can't tell you how many months I have felt like this. I think I may have attempted the miracle grow formula for a short amount of time in the beginning, with no real results, so I gave up and decided it would all have to pass sometime and soon enough I would be feeling all holy again. But it didn't pass. I have just accepted the feeling of stunted growth, and even more so, run with it. It occurred to me this morning that I am more comfortable around my unsaved husband and my unsaved friends, than I have been at church in awhile. I don't cringe at ugly language and crude humor. I use ugly language and crude humor. I have taken bits and pieces of the gospel that I like right now, because they fit where I am, and I hold fast to them- but I have let other, just as important concepts and ideals fall to the wayside. My life is wonderful. I am blessed. I have no major issues biting at my ankles- so I have somehow equated that with mine and Gods relationship being solid. It isn't. I love God- no doubt, but you sure wouldn't know it hanging out with me these days. Not really. Not the way I would want you to know it. I am a Christian, but what does that even mean? It means nothing if your life does not reflect it. Right now, my life does not reflect it anymore than some nice girl down the street.

Today I am thankful for whatever has led me to Grace Community church, which is somewhat of a mystery all its own, since it isn't often a person decides to up and leave a church they love and consider family to attend a new place 3 months before they leave the state. I am thankful for Andy as a pastor, who is open and honest and accepting. I am thankful for Jesus. For being treated like the scum of the earth so I have a shot at living like I am not. I am thankful that He forgives me no matter how many times I ask, even if my crime is the same as it was last week. I am so glad for today, for this morning. I can't wait to start growing again.

Yard Sale.

Today we had a yard sale and it went surprisingly well. I didn't expect it to go badly, but you never know what the outcome will be when you throw all your crap in boxes and on blanket in your yard and try and pawn it off on other people for cash. We made way more than I thought we would, and got rid of almost everything. ALSO, (and this is the best part), it gave me a legit opportunity to wear my WCW fanny pack. It has two pockets, one for bills and one for coins and was PERFECT for being the banker. Not only was I making money, I was looking AWESOME doing it. (I had a really fantastic picture of myself during the sale with it on, but apparently my memory card stops working when it is most needed- which I am not thankful for by the way.)

I attained this fanny pack at a WCW Live event when I was approximately 8 years old. I hadn't seen it probably since I got it until I was at my Nannies house last April. I am glad she had it, and I really honestly wish I could wear it always.

I Know My Calculus.

•  Michael Upchurch
  

  • mickey parks got one hoe, and one hoe only, and dats mickey parks bitch!
• Brooks Decker
  

  • did you just quote 2gether?
• Michael Upchurch
  

  • yeeees- did u just immediately know what i was quoting?
• Brooks Decker

  • yes, because i spent much time during my adolescence watching that movie. and he was my favorite. i actually just saw him on csi the other day and decided i needed to watch that movie soon.
• Michael Upchurch
  

  • i saw the same csi, and immediately thought of you, i got the giggles, errbody thought i was fucked up or somethin, but i remember you always used to say that line.
    
    

    Today I had this convo with an old friend and it was a nice reminder that my teenage years weren't all bad. I think when I look back I see lots of the bad because it was overwhelming, but I also had some really rad friends, and awesomely fun times.  I am so glad people remember about my life what I don't...it makes for some sweet conversation.

    
    

    
    

    If you have never seen this fantastic made for TV movie by MTV, I suggest you illegally download it immediately. I kid- do it legally through Netflix or some other law abiding method.

Better Than Art.

I have StumbleUpon to thank again today for the amazingness I am about to share with you. I have been in my house for the past week doing nothing in an attempt to not spend money we don't have to spend, thus I have been "stumbling" more often than usual. Thank goodness for the interwebs. I know there is so much time wasted and ugly on said subject, but it sure is useful when absolutely nothing else is going on.

First off all, there is this. Secondly, this.

I am thankful for randomly coming across things like this because it reminds me how little I am, but how enormously beautiful and creative the God who loves me is.

"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." -Romans 1:18-20

Pablo and Judith.

StumbleUpon is really awesome. Today I came across a whole ton of qoutes about poetry and taken from poetry. Listed was a poet called Pablo Neruda, who has apparently won a Nobel Prize for literature, but I had never heard of him. A piece of his work was sampled and it swallowed me whole. It is as follows:

"I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue."


If that does not move you, please never speak to me again. I kid, we can speak, just not about anything worth while apparently. I kid again. Really though, I am overjoyed at having discovered this man and cannot WAIT to purchase his complete works.


I finished a book this morning that I began yesterday. It is called "Fat Girl" written by Judith Moore. It is an autobiography about a little girl turned woman whose entire life has been spent obese. It details a terrible childhood and an adulthood not much better. It made me think a lot about my own eating and issues and parents and childhood and good memories and bad memories and despite all of it how God somehow kept his hand on me and I turned out okay. No matter the mistakes made by my parents they always loved me and I always knew it. Only for a moment, (in the grand scheme of life), did I become so lost that I grabbed for the ankles of anyone or anything that could fill the hole in my heart. It came and went quickly and I, without much hesitation let the only person who could fill it do so- God. All that to say, today I am thankful for being reminded how blessed my life has been regardless of any major downs.

I am reminded of the following scripture:

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
  “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that
neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:31-40

Little Rascals.

I remember being young and playing out in the street with my friends till the street lights came on. These days the thought of letting your children out in the street alone is close to nonsense in most cases....but not on my street. I live in an amazing little community, in an amazing neighborhood, on a safe street full of kids who run rampant from early afternoon till bedtime. Most days Jesiah goes out after lunch, comes in to eat dinner, back out and then back in covered in dirt and sweat and smiles just in time for bed. It is such a huge blessing- for all of us. Him because he gets to be a kid- a real kid with dirt under his nails and skinned knees and a bike left in the rain after a long day of riding with no hands. Me because frankly, I appreciate the break...and I am elated that he is making such awesome memories.

 

(Note: The faces of these children have been altered to hide their true identities.)

Presley goes out with the kids often- but only when I feel like sitting out there. When she is not outside she is inside, usually naked. Tonight all the kids were in our backyard and Presley was at the sliding glass door, naked, and shaking her booty at them. Jesiah stormed in saying, "Daddy, shut this door, this is so inappropriate- close the blinds!!!!"

I am also very thankful today for this blog. I assume it was God who planted the idea in my heart to create something that kept me accountable for thanks giving- and I am so glad he did. It forces me all day to pay attention and recognize all the little things I could talk about being thankful for. In the short amount of time I have been doing it, even on the most boring of days, I see light and joy- and it is awesome.

Summer Rain and Pizza.

It rained today, which was awesome. I know what you are thinking, "GOD she has NO clue what she wants!", and you might be right. I think the rain was good today because it came after a week full of sunshine, and with a brisk wind that made it feel sort of fallish. The kind of day where you look outside and know you must not go anywhere and you must read as much as you possibly can. The kids even wanted hot chocolate, which can only be served in our special Starbucks Christmas penguin cups- and who doesn't want a reason to use special penguin cups?

Travis is hooked on this show called Restaurant Impossible, where this enormously muscular chef called Robert Irvine goes into failing restaurants with $10,000 and 2 days to completely turn them around. He says watching it makes him "jazzed". (Aside from where I am actually going with this, I would like to side note that the fact that my husband uses the term "jazzed" to describe his feelings about something is in and of itself a reason to be thankful.) So he and I have had a dream about opening up a pizza parlor since as far back as I can remember, quite possibly the entire 8 years of our relationship. Watching this show propels us into conversations about our own dream, which I think in the hustle of life at its current state and pace, we forget about. I feel so blessed have someone so amazing to share dreams with. I cannot wait to be managing and cooking and serving the best  pizza you will ever have in my own place, with my best friend.

Saturday-Sunday Collabo.

I missed my blog yesterday because I was busy doing things to be thankful for late into the evening. Our friends with the fondue pot came over again and we made real fondue- with steak, shrimp, chicken, brocolli, mushrooms, greenbeans, sweet potato's and more. It was fabulous- but the food did not compare with watching Travis and Brandon trying to fry everything and getting grease spit at all their body parts. THAT was awesome. (The picture quality is awful- but that is the price you pay when trying to capture grease pops and their aftermath on film.)

I tried to get Brandon and Travis to take a nice, casual BFF picture, but apparently they are incapable. (A valiant effort on my part, though.)

Today I went to Grace Community church with my friend Tasha. It was awesome, because I love the pastor there, and the worship was faaaantastic. I feel blessed to have such great churches in my community, and the opportunity to live freely in my faith, and visit them all. Also, Tasha is my soul sister. She is someone who connects with me on a level left untouched by any other friends I have- even the best ones. She and I share a spiritual playing field, and always tend to find ourselves in the same part of the game. She is absolutely priceless and anytime spent with her follows suit.

I am sure I will have more to say later, as we are going over to some other wonderful friends place for dinner, *coughBeemanscough*, however I have a feeling I won't want to write after said good time, so this is it for today!

Life is Good, (in a way that is better than what is represented by those dumb t-shirts).

My children dressed themselves this morning. Jesiah said he is from the circus and Presley told me she was from the grocery store. She has also been walking around with random objects, placing them above her lip and yelling "MUSTACHE!!". My kids never cease to amaze me, even when I want to throw them out a window because they are driving me mad.

In addition to that, I have awesome friends. For the first time in my adult life I have a handful of lady friends who really mean a lot to me. People who life just wouldn't be the same without. Recently a few of them have said really thoughtful, caring and beautiful things to me- about how they appreciate who I am, and it is just such a blessing.

Also, the other day I had an awesome devotional, and I wanted to share it but have been too lazy to type the whole thing out. It is titled, "I will Give Thanks", and taken from, "Timeless Truths in Changing Times" by David Cooper:

I will give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever...for the Father and His inescapable presence...for Jesus and His amazing grace...for the Holy Spirit, my companion and guide. I will give thanks in all things...for God works in all things...and God works for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his purpose...there are no coincidences; only divine opportunities. I will give thanks for all things; for things pleasant and for things painful. In pleasant times I experience the heights of happiness; in painful times I learn to lean on Him. I will give thanks for the overlooked blessings of life...the serendipitous grace...the kind word...the encouraging letter...the daily provisions I tend to take for granted...the opportunity to work and be productive...the common routines of every ordinary day. I will give thanks for the hassles of life...a demanding schedule...traffic jams...daily stresses...personal responsibilities...meaningless tasks...inspiring challenges...interruptions...cell phones that make me ubiquitous...all these remind me of the sacred privilege of being alive. I will give thanks for the household of faith...my spiritual family which surrounds me with favor and love...the source of God's grace...the body of Christ which enables me to share my gifts...the sanctuary of grace which calls me upward and onward in my spiritual walk. I will give thanks for the Bible...the enduring Word of God...a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path...a sure word in an age of confusion...a timely word in seasons of pain...a reassuring word in the prison of fear...a healing word in the wounds of the soul. I will give thanks for America...for the cost of freedom...the promise of opportunity...the courage of patriotism...the sacrifice of warriors...the glory of the Constitution...and a government of the people, by the people and for the people. I will give thanks for this day...for it is the gift of God...it is the only day I have...it is a day filled with endless opportunities and bright promises...and I shall get everything I can from it and give everything I have to it.

The bold is my doing- but I thought it was a pretty awesome little reading, and wanted to share!

Juan's Painted Shells.

It feels tedious always writing "Today I am thankful for....", so from now on I am just going to write about things as if you already know why I am writing about them, which you do.

The sun was shining again today, and after my 2.5 hour nap with the Pizee, we went outside and painted shells, (every time we go to Double Bluff I find as many whole shells as I can for painting). I love painting- especially things that are low pressure, like shells.

 This one is my best in show for the day- I would like to dedicate it to my sister and fellow unicorn appreciator, Emily.

When the shells are finished they furnish Juan, (pronounced Ho-wan), the flamingo's dirt pad. Juan is my first plastic pet flamingo and I think I love him as much as my real pet turtle.

Chocolate Covered Everything.

Have I mentioned how thankful I am for every moment I get in the sun?! That to say I am thankful today for the opportunity to take my kids to the park. Jesiah's friend was there, which was awesome because he had someone to run amuck with, and Presley met an awesome little girl to argue over who gets to pretend to be the mommy with.

Travis borrowed a friends pressure washer and killed our driveway with it, which I am super thankful for because our driveway was a mess of oil and dirt and juice stains and paint marks and dirt and oil.

Lastly today I am thankful for the Burts and their fondue pot. I had never experienced fondue of any sort before tonight. I will speak no more, but let the pictures guide you.

That, my friends, is gluttony at its finest. Strawberries, bananas, pound cake, brownies, Twinkies, marshmallows, coconut sugar coated marshmallows and graham crackers- all dipped generously in melted Ghirardelli chocolate mixed with condensed milk and half&half.