TESTED.

For those of you who do not know I am about a month deep into a six month challenge. The challenge is to buy nothing that caters to my vanity. No clothes, shoes, makeup, hair anything, jewelry, ect. I have had a few days that were sort of hard. I went to Port Townsend and there was a street vendor with amazing antique jewelry, and some awesome clothes in different stores there. I have seen things here and there that beckon me for sure, but nothing like what I just experienced.

I am looking for an old coffee table to create a train table on, so I decided to check the thrift store on base, which is known for having AMAZING vintage clothes for a dollar and under. There was no coffee table, and I really should have left after realizing that, but I decided to peek at the dress rack. CHEESE AND RICE. One amazing vintage dress after ANOTHER. PEOPLE. I stood there and took them off and looked at them up and down and LUSTED. I imagined what shoes I would wear and how I might do my hair and on what occasion would be prefect for each and every dress. There was a black ruffle baby doll dress that I am sure was boutique, with the tags still on it. I would have worn the holy life out of that dress. THREE DOLLARS. I had it in my hand and just kept thinking, "It's just one dress Brooks. Just one. No biggie." But I knew I couldn't. I wanted to so bad. I was grinding my teeth.

In a way, this is all pretty funny. I am a great thrift shopper, so I generally save money by buying thrift- which is awesome. But the amount of grief I have just experienced over not being able to buy some dresses is really pretty sick. I kept telling myself, "You gotta let go of stuff Brooks. Life is short and none of this matters. It doesn't matter that it is vintage, or cheap. Life is not about joy in buying stuff. God is doing something in you that means more than awesome dresses- even if it isn't obvious right now. Let him do it. Get out of here." So I did.

I wanted to come home and document this immediately because as silly as it seems I really do feel like I was just greatly tested. Now that I have got it all out onto "paper" I feel much better. I see how insignificant those silly dresses are in the grand scheme of things. I am SO glad God get me out of there empty handed. (Well, sort of. I did buy a basket for our remotes and a couple small things for the kids- but nothing for myself, which is what matters.)

Blessings and love ya'll.

*_*

It is thankful Sunday ya'll.

I am thankful for healthy children. It is SO easy to take for-granted active, happy and healthy kids, especially if you have never really dealt with chronic/terminal illness personally. I am so blessed to have kids that beg to go outside and to the park. Kids who eat and laugh and run and play. Kids who do what kids are supposed to do. I pray to God I am reminded everyday what an amazing blessing that is.

I am also thankful for friends who you haven't seen in months who can come over and spend 5 hours and it is as if you have been talking everyday, safe travels, quality time with my mom and sister, piercing removals that were a whole let less painful than I expected, and the fact that the cop who pulled me over for speeding today only charged me for 5 over rather than the 20 that I was going.

AND, I am forever grateful to God, for being awesome. For speaking to me through people in my life, and making sure I always know he has my back.

GOD BLESS!

Thankful Sunday.

Oh man, what a weekend. I am thankful for SO much tonight.

1. God. He is so faithful. He is everything I have ever needed, need, or will need. He is everything and I am nothing without him. He knows where I am, and he loves me anyways. He loves me enough to bring me to a place of brokenness when I get too arrogant. He lets me stay broken, just long enough to remember I am nothing without him, and he then lifts me up and sets me back on the path where I belong- renewed and with more faith then I had before. He has fought for me, and won. Died for me and was resurrected. The war has been waged and the battle won- I only have to walk in victory.

2. Grace Community Church. I had no idea why all of a sudden, a few months before I am to leave this island God would have me leave my church home to spend the last bit of time with these other folks. I know why now. I am so glad I listened. I am so blessed to be a part of that family. I am so blessed to worship and break bread with the people there. God knew where I needed to be and he sent me and I am SO SO SO blessed.

3. My parents, Mrs. Vanaster and Daddykins. My ever present help in time of need. I don't know a lot of people who can say they have phenomenal parents. The kind who are always there, always listening, ready to drop everything to reach me where I am- even though I am grown. Parents who speak truth and life and light into my life when all I see is darkness. Parents who remind me who's I am and why I am here and all that I have to be thankful for. Parents who say, "This is the day that the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it..." when I need to hear it most....but who also cry with me, when I need it most. I could not ask for a better mom and dad. They rule.

4. Natasha Noelle Guenther, who's name is perfectly grand. My sister. My amazingly beautiful, loving, joyful, and astounding friend. I love you, I love you, I love you. God gave me you, and you are just as much a gift as my children, as my family. You are my family. You are wise and soulful and honest and simply glorious. My life will never be as it was before you were in it.

5. Siah and Pizee. You ornery rascals keep me grounded when I need it most. When the Daddy is gone and it is just us, and I get in a place, you two bring me back to square one. You love me no matter what. You nuzzle your noses into my neck and tell me I am the best mommy ever and I know you really mean it. You sleep next to me when I don't want to be alone, and even though you steal covers and turn into octopi as you sleep, I appreciate that you are next to me.


As for an update on my no vain purchases challenge...it has been 12 days and I am just fine. I have had a few moments being out and about and seeing something fabulous and picking it up forgetting my challenge, but putting it down when I remembered was not as hard as I thought it would be. I am spending less time in the mirror, closet and gym- because that is just not where my mind is. I know I am supposed to be doing this, and I cannot wait to see where I am 3 or 4 months in.

LOVE YA'LL!!!

God is Rad.

I am in day two of my six month no personal item buying and guess what? A friend of mine gave me a whole bag of clothes. Holy, Moses- I know. I almost didn't want to accept it because it's only day two!!! It was so obviously God looking down at me and reminding me I am doing the right thing and he will absolutely take care of me. Not even "take care", I have tons of clothes. He just blessed me. How freaking awesome is that?!?!!? If this is day two I cannot WAIT to see what God has in store for the next six months!

"Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.
-Luke 12:22-30 

A New Beginning.

Anyone who reads what I write, be it here or another blog, or who speaks with me on any level beyond surface knows that I have been spiritually stagnant for a long time. I am not sure when it began, how I went from being uber self-righteous to reading material put out by the "emergent church" in order to make myself feel better about the current condition of my heart and lifestyle. Somewhere in there I did some wicked painful counseling where I allowed myself to get really angry with God, ask a lot of questions to which there are no answers and despite His complete healing and peace throughout that, I just didn't come out of it the same. Instead of dealing with my- whatever I was feeling, because I still can't put a title on it- I gave into it. I just accepted and stopped trying to push through. Here and there I have tried to start journaling, or reading the right things, or saying longer prayers- whatever I could think to do that might make me feel closer to God again. None of it worked and I just became more stagnant.

Recently a book I love appeared from the closet it had been hidden in and I picked it up. It is a great book all around and I was enjoying reading all of it, but a few things really hit me. The first was that I never talk to people about Jesus. Not really. I might engage in light debate about religion as a whole, but the last time I really shared the truth of the cross with anyone (aside from Travis)...I cannot remember. I mean, years it has been. What I have been doing is talking about my own self. My testimony, my thoughts on religion, my stories. Don't get me wrong, these are important sometimes, but I'm not saving anyone and I definitely haven't been talking about the guy who can. Secondly, I spend a lot of money on crap I don't need, and spending money on crap makes me way happier than it should. I get high from shopping. It may only be a sweater from a thrift store, but that sweater has me freakin THRILLED. Spending money on nonsense brings me joy- however giving the small amount of money I give to help a kid in India, or as a tithe, makes me not so thrilled. I don't mind doing it, because I know I should....but I could do all sorts of other stuff with that money too. Do you know how many thrift store sweaters I could buy with my tithe money??? And I don't even tithe all that I feel like I should because I have an unsaved husband and we had to meet in the middle.

God showed up this week. Maybe not the way I would have liked Him to, with the showering of love and adoration for who I am. He showed up in a book and planted an idea in my heart. He then solidified the planting of that idea through both His word and a church service. I have already had a few people tell me this idea is silly and unnecessary, and I have battled with them being right. They aren't. Starting today and for the next six months I will purchase nothing that caters to my vanity. I will not buy a sweater, a shoe, a tube of lipstick, a new hair clip or anything of the like. I will not be taking pictures of myself. (This is so embarrassing.) I take pictures of myself for Facebook or wherever else and it is RIDICULOUS. No one person needs as many pictures of themselves as I have. Pictures are for memories and family, not vanity. I am excited about what God will do in this time. I don't have a goal as to put a certain amount of money into anything needful right now, and I figure if I am supposed to God will let me know. I am thinking this is step one in my hurtle of loving Jesus the way I am supposed to again. I think I fell out of love a little there for awhile...and probably never loved him the way I should have to begin with. Cheers to challenges that change hearts and new beginnings.

PS. I will update what God is doing on this blog- stay tuned.

Something New.

I've been beginning to forget about this blog- as in writing it everyday. I think I have come to a place where I have a great deal of thoughtfulness towards being thankful, and because of this I will begin writing weekly instead of daily. I know God put this concept on my heart for a reason, and I am sure His plan concerning me and learning to be thankful for little things has come to fruition. That to say, I do love this blog and it's keeping me accountable for things, so I plan on keeping it. I am in the midst of having a new challenge handed to me by the man upstairs and it is bigger than this one. Whenever He and I work out the logistics, I will use this blog to journal as well as a weekly thankfulness writing. I will write my weekly thanks blog on Sundays, not starting tomorrow because, well that's dumb. Other than that- I will see all of you, whoever you are, soon with an update about the new challenge I am facing!!

Much Love!

I'm Not Pregnant!!

I forgot to write yesterday. I would have said I was thankful for finding ways to be productive.

Today I am thankful for mint chocolate cupcakes.

It wasn't as minty as I would have hoped. The icing tasted less like mint and more like butter-cream but look how terribly adorable it was!!

I am also happy to announce I AM NOT pregnant. I am late in my monthly woman time, so it has been a fraction of a concern this week.

We went thrift storing today which is one of my most favorite things and among many awesome finds was this:

It is a 1960's Halloween horn. We paid 49 cents for it. It sells on vintage type sites for $20+ and that is not even in good condition. It is always a treat to come across cool retro products!